The thoughts of a hopeless romatic
Long have I pondered on to the mysteries of love, for a long time I thought I am immune to those long gripping tendrils that can pull anyone into a bottomless pit of chaos. I thought I will never fall into those fantasies. Always knew what I wanted and was clear about them. Gotta say this, for the longest time I was successful in escaping those electrifying moments. In a generation where 10-year-olds are couples, I managed to live 20 years without such desires. There were moments when I thought I almost lost that uniqueness, but those proved to be something evanescent. Gifted with this immunity I was once able to peer through thickest of mental fogs, was calm in the most chaotic of moments, scrutinized the deepest of mysteries, drenched in the rain of narcissism and drowned in the pool of self-composed mental images which I wove into the brains of anyone and everyone I met. I once was an unbeatable and unconquerable soul until I met the storm.
I stumbled upon love during one of my journeys, but I didn't know back then that I was staring at something which will one day put my world upside down. She was a rain that showered occasionally, but back then I have had an umbrella which helped me. As time passed I started liking that rain, being a pluviophile, it quickly attracted my attention. It first started as a curiosity, to check out the rain, to see it's speed, the strength, the temperature, it's nature etc. First, I was just drenching my hands, from the shade of my umbrella, on the cold water pouring down effortlessly. Soon I found myself dancing in the drizzle. It is still a mystery to me how I started to enjoy this. This was the one thing I was good at and now I am loosing that one gift I have had until now.
Maybe it is the mysteries she kept to herself that attracted me so much initially. After all, I thought of her as a beautiful drizzle when she was holding a storm inside. She was more than that of course. A person is neither what they hide inside nor what they project outside. A person is always complex and humongous. But something about her demeanour always struck me with unanswered questions. Maybe that's when I realised I hit on the diamond when I was digging for coal.
A bulk of husky voice clad in the colours of pink, blue, violet or purple, that was she when I first saw her. An occasional and unexpected guest, I never went there looking for her, but it always was a blissful event when she was there. The twists and turns and loops of her long hair locks and that smile which gave away nothing didn't help either to stay away. On holy occasions, the colours I attacked her with was red while I used green and black for others. But little did anyone noticed about this, after all, who looks at colours when the point was just spreading any. I have had endless time with my friends and had a lot of fun with them, but when I turn back and look at them, they are no longer exciting. Walking back through time, she is the only point I want to relive and enjoy.
But the real sparks was ignited when I learned that I am dealing with no ordinary drizzle but a mighty lightning storm. The gentle rain that rejuvenated my time soon started to ravage it with battles of logic and ideas, those never-ending debates and the induced rivalry first sow the seeds of romance in the dry barren land of my heart. All it needed was time to grow into the strength it aspired. Sometimes I think feelings are intangible yet self-conscious. They follow the evolutionary stages of any being. Born from a budding brain they consume time to grow big and out of control. They are manipulative and strong enough to control their surroundings. These abstract notions should be considered as different dimensional entities in my humble opinion for they are conscious of their own and capable of altering the very fabric of reality of the people they often linked to and at the end die for no apparent reason.
Never will ever there be a story in this universe where there are no twists and turns, some acts of blunders, hardships, dangers, stupidity, unforeseen calamities that make them a story. Some people believe in the existence of God but denies his benevolent nature for the drama he is making in everybody's life. Nothing is a constant line but a web of tangling loops and intermittent events. When the storm was ready to materialise for me I was not ready for her. Stuck between the tangled boughs of social life and responsibilities, I forgot to claim what I always desired. Some say human life is an endless pursuit of the finding the better half. But I would not agree with that, a person does not need someone else to be perfect. So better half is a far flexed notion that I avoid almost always. But what if it really is the better half for an arguments sake, in that case, what is next, after you find the better half, will it then be called better whole or is it then a journey towards achieving singularity. In physics, the singularity is an entity of infinite mass and density. Something that can pull anything and everything into itself and become one with it. A gaping pit in the very fabric of time and space from where even light cannot escape. So is being in a relationship similar to being trapped in a singularity, with infinite understanding and cooperation within each other drawing all sort of attention and concern from everywhere, is love something like a black hole. I don't think so, a persona cannot be half on his own, he is always one whole persona. But we might have our instabilities which needs someone to create a bond to be filled. That perfect chemistry of sharing a bond with you with the other person also growing stable in the process is, in my dictionary, what is called relationship. Such relationships are the forever type in my opinion. At one point in time, this was my problem, I did not have anything worthwhile to share. Back then I was only a half that was looking for a better half. But finding the better half is stunt performed by people from the start of humanity, there is nothing spectacular or everlasting in such endeavours. I need not a better half but a whole persona which does not have to be better. My mind finds solace in weaving together two independent souls and fusing them together without any collateral damage and that was the reason it never worked back then. I never had anything to offer and I had plenty to take away from her.
To be continued....
I stumbled upon love during one of my journeys, but I didn't know back then that I was staring at something which will one day put my world upside down. She was a rain that showered occasionally, but back then I have had an umbrella which helped me. As time passed I started liking that rain, being a pluviophile, it quickly attracted my attention. It first started as a curiosity, to check out the rain, to see it's speed, the strength, the temperature, it's nature etc. First, I was just drenching my hands, from the shade of my umbrella, on the cold water pouring down effortlessly. Soon I found myself dancing in the drizzle. It is still a mystery to me how I started to enjoy this. This was the one thing I was good at and now I am loosing that one gift I have had until now.
Maybe it is the mysteries she kept to herself that attracted me so much initially. After all, I thought of her as a beautiful drizzle when she was holding a storm inside. She was more than that of course. A person is neither what they hide inside nor what they project outside. A person is always complex and humongous. But something about her demeanour always struck me with unanswered questions. Maybe that's when I realised I hit on the diamond when I was digging for coal.
A bulk of husky voice clad in the colours of pink, blue, violet or purple, that was she when I first saw her. An occasional and unexpected guest, I never went there looking for her, but it always was a blissful event when she was there. The twists and turns and loops of her long hair locks and that smile which gave away nothing didn't help either to stay away. On holy occasions, the colours I attacked her with was red while I used green and black for others. But little did anyone noticed about this, after all, who looks at colours when the point was just spreading any. I have had endless time with my friends and had a lot of fun with them, but when I turn back and look at them, they are no longer exciting. Walking back through time, she is the only point I want to relive and enjoy.
But the real sparks was ignited when I learned that I am dealing with no ordinary drizzle but a mighty lightning storm. The gentle rain that rejuvenated my time soon started to ravage it with battles of logic and ideas, those never-ending debates and the induced rivalry first sow the seeds of romance in the dry barren land of my heart. All it needed was time to grow into the strength it aspired. Sometimes I think feelings are intangible yet self-conscious. They follow the evolutionary stages of any being. Born from a budding brain they consume time to grow big and out of control. They are manipulative and strong enough to control their surroundings. These abstract notions should be considered as different dimensional entities in my humble opinion for they are conscious of their own and capable of altering the very fabric of reality of the people they often linked to and at the end die for no apparent reason.
Never will ever there be a story in this universe where there are no twists and turns, some acts of blunders, hardships, dangers, stupidity, unforeseen calamities that make them a story. Some people believe in the existence of God but denies his benevolent nature for the drama he is making in everybody's life. Nothing is a constant line but a web of tangling loops and intermittent events. When the storm was ready to materialise for me I was not ready for her. Stuck between the tangled boughs of social life and responsibilities, I forgot to claim what I always desired. Some say human life is an endless pursuit of the finding the better half. But I would not agree with that, a person does not need someone else to be perfect. So better half is a far flexed notion that I avoid almost always. But what if it really is the better half for an arguments sake, in that case, what is next, after you find the better half, will it then be called better whole or is it then a journey towards achieving singularity. In physics, the singularity is an entity of infinite mass and density. Something that can pull anything and everything into itself and become one with it. A gaping pit in the very fabric of time and space from where even light cannot escape. So is being in a relationship similar to being trapped in a singularity, with infinite understanding and cooperation within each other drawing all sort of attention and concern from everywhere, is love something like a black hole. I don't think so, a persona cannot be half on his own, he is always one whole persona. But we might have our instabilities which needs someone to create a bond to be filled. That perfect chemistry of sharing a bond with you with the other person also growing stable in the process is, in my dictionary, what is called relationship. Such relationships are the forever type in my opinion. At one point in time, this was my problem, I did not have anything worthwhile to share. Back then I was only a half that was looking for a better half. But finding the better half is stunt performed by people from the start of humanity, there is nothing spectacular or everlasting in such endeavours. I need not a better half but a whole persona which does not have to be better. My mind finds solace in weaving together two independent souls and fusing them together without any collateral damage and that was the reason it never worked back then. I never had anything to offer and I had plenty to take away from her.
To be continued....
Comments
Post a Comment